You know you’re a Great Dane owner when…

• The sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, “OUTSIDE!”
• You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair.
• It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets.
• You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are.
• You can carry on a conversation with a dogs’s muzzle firmly in your crotch.
• You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a port-a-potty.
• Your dog can hide an entire tennis ball (among other things) fully inside his lips and give you that innocent look that says, “What? I’m not eating anything!”
• You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle.
• You keep at least one color-coded “drool towel” in every room of our house.
• After banishing your husband, the snoring in your bedroom still keeps you awake.
• You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog.
• You toss your dog a ball and cringe when he almost hits his head on the top of the doorway.
• You take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing you to make random right turns.
• You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub.
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• Your two dogs decide to play in the house, and they end up pulling the ceiling fan down –for the second time.
• You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink.
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• You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog.
• While stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back and forth because the dog is panting out the window.
• You go to vacuum your car and most of the fur is up there on the ceiling.
• You avoid the dogs on your way out the door, so they won’t smear your makeup.
• You’ve learned to force a smile when asked “do you have a saddle for that thing?”
• The monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment.
• Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a personal plane.
• You have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink.
• The donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone when you get home and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose.
• Your dog can see what you’re cooking, and he tries to assist you in the preparation.
• You’re holding him straddled between your legs when the doorbell rings, you take a short (but fast!) ride straight to the door.
• The pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk.
• You dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick his head in the drive-through window at MacDonald’s and nearly gives the cashier a heart attack when she turns around to give you your change.
• You purchase a large screen TV and you still can’t see the program when he stands in front of the television.
• After surgery, your bored pup decides to get up and cruise around the vet’s office –pulling the rolling IV stand behind him.
• You take your dog for a walk. A car drives by, stops, and backs up to you.  The driver rolls down his window to ask, “Excuse me, that’s a dog isn’t it?” When you say yes, he turns to his wife and says, “See, I told you so, nobody walks a deer!” and drives away.
• A six-year-old boy takes one look at your dog and says. “Wow! I bet he could eat a whole roll of toilet paper in one gulp!”
• The big people walking the little dog always say “I don’t know how she does it.”
• You see a Chihuahua and you mutter under your breath, “My dog craps bigger than that!”
• You just came home from the grocery store and spent $75.00 and all you got for yourself was a dozen eggs.
• Your dogs back out of small rooms.
• The kids have long since graduated from college and you still drive a full size van.
• UPS does “drive by” deliveries to your home.
• You find yourself trying to convince the dog that the 4 pound kitten didn’t mean to hurt its feelings.
• Your passenger seat in your car doesn’t seem to be as comfortable since half of the foam is gone and the metal frame is digging in your back.
• Your husband wears one of those “protective cups” even though he’s not participating in contact sports.
• Male visitors to your home enter your home walking either backwards or sideways while your Dane continues to happily wag her tail.
• Your doorknobs have teeth marks.
• You have to go out and buy another couch…for the family.